Acapulco Madness

"Are you enjoying yourself?" asked our blonde tour guide who had dyed his short hair red. "My name is Dr. Phil. I will tell you." Dr. Phil droned on and on over an intercom that echoed as we chugged around the shores of Acapulco in a catamaran. We missed much of what he said. "How is my English?" he would ask. I think everyone thought he was gay but none of us were sure how gay, especially after he told us he had two teenage daughters who liked going to Starbucks.

Everyone enjoyed the classic Mexican buffet of tacos, guacomale, sour cream and fried beans, although it was only mid morning. I didn't see any plates go back unfinished. The tour also kept us in complimentary drinks of beer, pop and water. The drinks were especially welcome because the temperatures were in the mid nineties from the early morning on.

Home after home of the wealthy were pointed out. Oprah, Sylvester Stallone, Bill Gates. Before each owner was revealed Phil would play a trivia game with us. "You know this person? They are big and strong in the movies." He prolonged revealing the name so he could regale us with more stories. We reached the famous cliffs where the iconic divers have entertained tourists for 50 years. "A special show for you!" said Dr. Phil. Who knows, maybe it was. The boat moved in close, we watched some dives and the divers came aboard for photos and tips. Very cool to see these risk takers up close. The story came out that one month back, a diver had misjudged the waves and broken two fingers and a collarbone. The water is only nine feet deep so I'm not surprised.


"I enjoy my job! Are you having fun yet?" said our afternoon guide, Dr. Phil. My mother is even better a tour guide than me! Teachers and doctors and liars... I mean lawyers. It's my Chicago accent. I went to Chicago to study English. Can you understand me OK?"

We couldn't believe our luck. Of all the tour guides, we'd landed the same one for the afternoon. This time we moved around the city by bus, listening to the same jokes we'd heard all morning. When our red headed, blonde began the trivia questions about celebrities, Rick, who was sitting near the front, sang out the answers but Dr. Phil plowed on with the stories as if he hadn't heard. We finished at the divers again but this time we sat, watching from a famous hotel balcony high above the cliffs, while we slurped a free cocktail. Of the Acapulco divers, we can now say, "Been there done that!"